Time to Chill (literally)

Current status: I’m currently recovering from a mental breakdown. After getting no responses and rejection emails from applying for jobs, making little from side gigs, and not being able to contribute any of my earnings towards my husband and I’s shared bills, I’m seriously losing my mind. I cried because I feel defeated every single time an email pops up that says “Thank you for your interest in blah blah blah, but we’ve considered other candidates that fit the role at this time.” And I’m still waiting on about 15 places that I’ve applied to for a response.

Among other things, I had a crying fit a few nights ago. My husband blames my new birth control medication. It could be that. But I don’t think I’ve ever had a crazy adjustment to a new medication like that before, so… *shrug*

But who knows? I could actually be very depressed.

Seasonal depression is real.

I want to pick up journaling again, but more so in the therapeutic sense of writing out what I feel at the moment. Not my usual “weeklies” and planning out. I have all the time in the world, so why not do more? Like painting again, adult coloring books, more artsy stuff. The problem is I lack any creative juices at the moment. All this doubt I have in my mind about finding a job makes me feel useless, somewhat lifeless, and obviously unmotivated. But what better way to get started, regardless of having any kind of purpose or motivation, is to just do it. Nike sure hit the nail on their slogan that works for any kind of situation.

It’s so friggin’ cold now.